The stone unwashed and unkempt almost tries to become a diamond but stops midway between gasps of terrified breaths, terrified of the horror of remaining just an ordinary stone, carrying on the baggages of the moss that has grown upon him, obviously encouraged by his inability to refuse to play host when he should have been shaking them off, of his inability to refure a gratitude with that of further bonhomie and silently dragging the cares that has been laid without a care for his concern,his hapiness and his joys especially in face of the other stones who have been born diamonds, without the tremendous pressure of trying to become so despite the ordinariness of their origin, to profoundly reflect , not the world that they are grown in but the world they want to grow up into, albeit, nay despite the stickiness of mundaneness that calls out its cries , so piercing and so discordant, painfull yet unignorable, a magnetic pull in the direction the stone wants to go, with its own logic that is a remainnant from some big black space where he doesnt want to fall again.
It just wants a sparkle
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The marriage market..
One day as me and Pradeep were just talkin on some random subjects ..He came across with this weird view as to why do girls remain unmarried beyond a certain age and more importantly why is it so important in terms of girls...i mean no one asks a man that why is he unmarried as long as he is financially and socially secure.
The answers to both these questions were what took most of our time. Infact pradeep had carried out a survey of a matrimonial site which had ads for girls above 30. And he found this common characteristic in almost all girls of this set...
a. Almost all of them were ugly- This is a view I agree with. An ugly girl is difficult to love and even more difficult to marry. I care two hoots about "beauty" of heart ...only for the reason that its very difficult to see. Skin deep beauty is convinient option. The only sad part is that as girls grow older they grow uglier and an intelligent girl is one who gets married young when age is supporting her.
b. Earning but not much- Almost all these girls were earning but were far below having a "career". This I really dont think is a criterion for their spinsterhood . But maybe their unwillingness to put the existent "career" on hold for marriage is the reason. Plus the fact that they are earning insufficiently compared to others who are better placed than them.
c. Feminist- Almost all profiles had very proud announcements . Nothing bad in that. But the fact of the matter is that no man wants to get stuck with an egoistic girl. He would rather marrry a meeker alternative. Many agressive and gung-ho females might disagree with that..citing examples of their husbands who are sensitive and caring and loving and yet have married them. That is true but I feel that there is a role reversal here. The husband is in fact the wife and vice versa..not a stable arrangement but as long as it lasts the wife is having fun.
We will leave such exceptions out.
Man as a rule are not interested in how great a girl is in acads or career...When choosing a wife they see her as a mother to their kids and a partner to themselves. An alpha female is a complete turnoff in both these regards..
Now we come to the question as to why do women need to be married..that too arranged.
The reason I feel is true only of India which had had around 2000 years of hit and misses to come to this arrangement. The sub reasons for this is as follows..
1. Marriage is a viable institution as it keeps men under control . The corollary is that if men are subdued the society gets the creative inputs to grow and survive.
2. If left to love, lots of people would get rejected. This is so because it is often seen that practical, marriageable persons are less romantic and the romantic ones are too irresponsible for starting a family. So if left to romance , the marriage might not be a stable one. Its as if there are two doors in series. One is romance..the other is marriage. A person with key to the first door lacks the second key. ..while a person with key to marriage door cant get to it because he lacks the key to the romance door.
3. Women are not useless but they have their limited uses. They are like worker ants ..extremely good at what they know and totally clueless about choices. Men on other hand are sex maniacs at marriageable age. They are guided more by testesterone than cerebrum at their prime. Left to choose a life partner for a stable marriage..both would commit mistakes(in majority of cases) . That is a destructive path and leads to much wastege in society like marital fights, childrens issues, courts, law and messy divorces. To prevent such losses to society moderation is required. Even at the cost of love...
We may not agree ethically with a lot of things followed in India about marriages,but I remain convinced that it still remains the most "workable" of the ideas. It is "wrong", reeks of "feudal mentality"..and "degenerates women" ..fine....but it has WORKED. It has managed to fulfill the basic aim of society ..which is to survive sustainably.We can challenge all of it ,inspired by the great American dream..but Its my personal expierance that a nation of 200 years can teach a lot to others ..but it cant teach survibability. Simply because it doesnt have the "expierance"....
The answers to both these questions were what took most of our time. Infact pradeep had carried out a survey of a matrimonial site which had ads for girls above 30. And he found this common characteristic in almost all girls of this set...
a. Almost all of them were ugly- This is a view I agree with. An ugly girl is difficult to love and even more difficult to marry. I care two hoots about "beauty" of heart ...only for the reason that its very difficult to see. Skin deep beauty is convinient option. The only sad part is that as girls grow older they grow uglier and an intelligent girl is one who gets married young when age is supporting her.
b. Earning but not much- Almost all these girls were earning but were far below having a "career". This I really dont think is a criterion for their spinsterhood . But maybe their unwillingness to put the existent "career" on hold for marriage is the reason. Plus the fact that they are earning insufficiently compared to others who are better placed than them.
c. Feminist- Almost all profiles had very proud announcements . Nothing bad in that. But the fact of the matter is that no man wants to get stuck with an egoistic girl. He would rather marrry a meeker alternative. Many agressive and gung-ho females might disagree with that..citing examples of their husbands who are sensitive and caring and loving and yet have married them. That is true but I feel that there is a role reversal here. The husband is in fact the wife and vice versa..not a stable arrangement but as long as it lasts the wife is having fun.
We will leave such exceptions out.
Man as a rule are not interested in how great a girl is in acads or career...When choosing a wife they see her as a mother to their kids and a partner to themselves. An alpha female is a complete turnoff in both these regards..
Now we come to the question as to why do women need to be married..that too arranged.
The reason I feel is true only of India which had had around 2000 years of hit and misses to come to this arrangement. The sub reasons for this is as follows..
1. Marriage is a viable institution as it keeps men under control . The corollary is that if men are subdued the society gets the creative inputs to grow and survive.
2. If left to love, lots of people would get rejected. This is so because it is often seen that practical, marriageable persons are less romantic and the romantic ones are too irresponsible for starting a family. So if left to romance , the marriage might not be a stable one. Its as if there are two doors in series. One is romance..the other is marriage. A person with key to the first door lacks the second key. ..while a person with key to marriage door cant get to it because he lacks the key to the romance door.
3. Women are not useless but they have their limited uses. They are like worker ants ..extremely good at what they know and totally clueless about choices. Men on other hand are sex maniacs at marriageable age. They are guided more by testesterone than cerebrum at their prime. Left to choose a life partner for a stable marriage..both would commit mistakes(in majority of cases) . That is a destructive path and leads to much wastege in society like marital fights, childrens issues, courts, law and messy divorces. To prevent such losses to society moderation is required. Even at the cost of love...
We may not agree ethically with a lot of things followed in India about marriages,but I remain convinced that it still remains the most "workable" of the ideas. It is "wrong", reeks of "feudal mentality"..and "degenerates women" ..fine....but it has WORKED. It has managed to fulfill the basic aim of society ..which is to survive sustainably.We can challenge all of it ,inspired by the great American dream..but Its my personal expierance that a nation of 200 years can teach a lot to others ..but it cant teach survibability. Simply because it doesnt have the "expierance"....
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Some day
Someday I will worry about life..some day,not today!
Someday I will be all sensitive and get hurt..not today !
Some day I will rue life as I see it..no not today...
Someday I will see more trash than quality...no no not today
Someday I will not be happy with the sunrise...
Someday I will sit and add the plusses and minus the minnusses..
Someday I will say "life is a pain"..
Some day , some day I will do all of that and shed tears at lost causes..
Maybe some day..but not today..for I am busy
Busy with today , come back some day later and
just maybe I will do all of that ..someday
===Piyush
Someday I will be all sensitive and get hurt..not today !
Some day I will rue life as I see it..no not today...
Someday I will see more trash than quality...no no not today
Someday I will not be happy with the sunrise...
Someday I will sit and add the plusses and minus the minnusses..
Someday I will say "life is a pain"..
Some day , some day I will do all of that and shed tears at lost causes..
Maybe some day..but not today..for I am busy
Busy with today , come back some day later and
just maybe I will do all of that ..someday
===Piyush
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Steroetypes..an apology
I , of , late have started thinking differently about so called "stereotypes". Every day I hear how so and so is not the stereotypical Professor or Student or Mother or Aunty or father...! I hear how so and so thinking is so stereotypical..How stereotypes destroy relationships...!!
I do know about others but my expierance about this word is far from the hate almost everyone feels for it. I do not think "stereotype" is a bad word. It is a limiting word ..dividing men and women into neat sets and classifications ..sometimes even conditioning human thinking..but no...its not a dirty word. Its a word that has logic and experience behind it. Scratch the surface of most relationships, human beings and ideas and you will find a stereotype. Even those who strongly seem to defy "stereotyping" are at the base exactly stereotypical.
As we grow older we realize a lot of things that we were foolish about. As I have grown and thought and yes..seen a lot of things...I have somehow come to the conclusion that I owe an apology to this "word". I am sorry that I misunderstood you and your relevence in our lives and society. I apology for the disdain I had treated you...I apology for the rashness of my youth in not realizing your importance.
Now maybe I am wiser..maybe I am not , but I shall never ever underestimate you..
I do know about others but my expierance about this word is far from the hate almost everyone feels for it. I do not think "stereotype" is a bad word. It is a limiting word ..dividing men and women into neat sets and classifications ..sometimes even conditioning human thinking..but no...its not a dirty word. Its a word that has logic and experience behind it. Scratch the surface of most relationships, human beings and ideas and you will find a stereotype. Even those who strongly seem to defy "stereotyping" are at the base exactly stereotypical.
As we grow older we realize a lot of things that we were foolish about. As I have grown and thought and yes..seen a lot of things...I have somehow come to the conclusion that I owe an apology to this "word". I am sorry that I misunderstood you and your relevence in our lives and society. I apology for the disdain I had treated you...I apology for the rashness of my youth in not realizing your importance.
Now maybe I am wiser..maybe I am not , but I shall never ever underestimate you..
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Some things on Radio
If you are in mumbai you cant miss the FM ..neither do u want to miss them. They are pretty much fun. I was listening to fm and just strolling around ...two programmes that ran back to back kind of got me thinking in two different ways..
Programme no 1 was a talk show about "if you can forgive your partner for infidelity ...?'. It was a busy show. People calling from all over. There were opinions galore. Some ppl felt that women forgive more than men..that if you are an independent woman you will never forgive...There was this woman who called up and said that she was on verge of a "drifting" affair when her hubby talked to her and forgave her...! To tell u the truth the best part of listening to all these shows is the fact that how women can talk crap so charmingly....! Its so very difficult for a woman to talk honestly ..I wonder if they get orgasmic just hearing their own voice..!
Then one guy called up. Sudhanshu or sum name like that..He said some thing that was so genuine that I admired the clarity of thought this guy had..He said thus...
'There is no forgiveness without forgetfull ness. You cant say that you forgave someone but u cant forget it. If you cant forget that means that it will crop up sumtime or the other. Secondly no one forgives infidelity..they compromise with it . Once there is infidelity there is a crack that that can never be filled..its better that you go separate ways rather than "forgive and forget"...'
Putting myself in a man's or women's shoes..I was actually asking myself ..Wud i be able ever to forgive an infidelity? Honestly ..I wouldnt...Neither would any man or woman. I feel being "sensitive" or "metrosexual" has nothing to do with it. Being suave is just a better package for covering up the pain and hurt inside. Logically we should forgive and forget ..but men/women are not "logical" beings. Their feelings and prejudices rule over logic...To try to fit our raw emotions into the politically correct logic is something that i feel should be avoided..much as the way you shouldnt cut the body to fit the coffin..
Programme 2.
This programme had an irritating RJ , mallika singh, talking about how she was "totally..u kno TOTALLY..into having an idol in her life". She wanted to know from listeners their idols. And she was "totally ..u kno TOTALLY" irritating to say the least. I had a feeling that she was chewing every word she spoke and kind of being "cool" ....I hear this kind of language from teens but hearing it on radio kind of made it more horrible. I couldnt bear it for more than 7 mins...especially when a woman calls up and also tries this same .."TOTALLY ..u kno..Totally COOL " talk. Why are women like that? Why why? Its so depressing....
Monday, November 10, 2008
Raigad- Trek
Technically raigad is not a trek but a easy climb. But for lack of better words...it will be called a trek.
Pradeep and me decided that we need to do sumthing over the weekend...Pradeep is a Phd scholar at iit and hence naturally busy with his duties and all. ...I am caught up with fewer things. But we decided we must do this.
Plan banaya..consulted a few guys like vivek who had done it before.
Booked an ST ticket for three to a base village called Pachad(the third one was for AD ..and the idiot ditched us last minute). Tickey 138 rupees each , bus is Borivali-Shandoshi ..leaves kurla at 11 ..in night. Me and pradeep hop in to local and get there by 1030..kill time. Bus arrives at 1130.
5 hrs ride to Pachad...and boy is it cold.
en route at mahad we get down for a break and the bus rushes ahead..Pradeep is running behind it as our bags are still on it. I try to be cool but i am panickin. We run behind till we dont see the bus..gaya!
thankfully around the corner the bus is filling in air ..I am impresed by the workshop they have at mahad. For a taluka level bus stop its awesome..basic repairs ..axle checks ..oil change ..etc. but amazing because despite the level of the village stop ..it appears sophisticated. We roam around and take a look at the workshop...I am impressed. Pradeep is pretty struck too...he enlightens me on the "wealth of Nations" by adam smith..and how such complexity can be found in such a basic place. I am doubly impressed..i gotta read that book. (I had read part of it in 10th ..but i guess with my huge expierance it wud make better sense now)...anyway within half an hour we are on our way to Pachad. We ask the conductor to wake us up..its actually cold and we just have our towels to wrap around our heads. The climb to pachad takes an eternity and we get down infront of a concrete structure in pachad....
We decide its too dark(i think its around 4)...We see come benches inside and rest our bums ...and then the rest of our bodies. Weird noises around. Anyway sleep is wat we need. We sleep peacefully and get up at around 530...! As light filters in we realise that our bedmates were bats ...(to tell u the truth i did not find them bad at all...pretty sociable creatures)
Wash and brush(with bottle water) ..tea at "Deshmukh Hotel"..and we are on way to Raigad.Its a 2Km climb (nice road) to the base where you have the option to either go by the ropeway or the climb path. We took the climb...
It was a well tread path..with proper steps(I think totalling around 1400 steps)..Anyway we were so early that we were before the "taak" and "lime juice" vendors. The climb was pretty nice and we took in a lot of pics.
Reached top at around 8...
Beautiful sight.
I will not bore you with sights of raigad.Its a very well preserved fort.
The best part was the Tak Mak Tok..basically a cliff where prisoners were thrown off to their death. Pradeep was pretty impressed by the name and kept on Tak takaoing..mak Makaoing the entire way. It was a great sight. I felt bad for the prisoners..
Anyway we ended up by using the ropeway to come down. Nice exp...
At the base as we came out a six seater was waiting for Mahad..We hopped in. 25 bucks each to MAHAD...It was a rough ride but I dont know why both of us felt real drowsy...and kept on nodding off.
We reach MAHAD at around 1..look for a nice place for lunch. No such luck or no such hotel. So we opt for a shady touristy hotel.
The waiter is an angry old man. He growls at us ..We ask him to get the menu..he again growls. Walks off with a snigger..! Wat the f..! I am pissed off. Pradeep says we really have no option. We look around and see that the menu is actually written on the signboard itself.
We call Angry old man and ask him to get 6 chapatis ..and a dal. Again he growls and goes on serving the others . We are ready to move..
Then a young guy comes to take our order..We repeat the same. Ordering in a chaas each. Angry old man growls from far. We call him for some water and to clean the table..growl growl.
Another order for chicken handi follows..
15 mins later it arrives. Dal is sweety ..but ok . Chapatis are good.Chicken is struggling to be edible. And its gravy looks like it had an oil bath.We fish out chicken(fish out chicken ..ha ha )...And pradeep comments that how can some one screw up a chicken dish...? but hunger allows us to be generous.
End of lunch ..its 145 rupees. I hand over 200 to the young boy. ..Angry old man returns with the change. Hands me the change (there is a 50 rupee note and a 5 rupee coin). He is longingly lookin at the change as he is handing over. Stands near us sumtime after handing it. Pradeep whispers .."he is lookin for a tip"...
I am really angry now. Tip for wat? the growl or refusing to serve water ..or not cleaning the table?...I smile and put all the money back into my wallet. I am sorry but i enjoy such instant karmas..i m not the "forget and forgive variety"...
Bus is ready for thane when we get back ....We hop in..
Same journey back..Stop at PEN for some sharbat and cucumbers ..and back in thaane by 6 (i think so..my watch had stopped on raigad itself )..Local to Kanjur marg..
But Pradeep isnt interested in goin back. He is buyin a suit. So we raid huma adlabs . I am really not looking the "suit" type with my cargoes and sweaty t-shirt and red eyes..neither is pradeep. But pradeep is convinced that the salesman will let him in..I kno him,I had come earlier...!
Anyway we go in. The guard wants to check our bags..We let him. Swaety towels and polythene bags with eatables greet him..he gives a disgusted look..
To cut a long story short ..We select a very nice suit (its 40% discount) and it fits pradeep like a glove. I really like the color..greay striped and looks more expensive than it really is. Good Choice.
I convince Pradeep that its a life changing decission and I need a treat. We head to food factory.
I promise that I will pay for coffee later(cafe cofee day is full so the promise is carried forward)..
Took an auto back home and landed on my doorstep in one peice...
Nice and time bound trek.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Trek to harishchandragad
The reason i am writing this down is so that incase i want to get to harishchandragad again I have a reference.
Me and vivek started on a friday afternoon. We took the local to Kalyan got down at the local station for ST to Khube. The bus station(ST) is right across the local station so it was just hoppin across.
The bus we took was for NAGAR(the route is Ahmednagar Route) . Starts around 5ish. Met the conductor with an attitude . But overall reached Khubi at around 8. Searched for a guest house(look at us ..8 o clock in night and searching for a place to sleep in a unknown village). Found one. Owner was in underpants and a nice panch with a cap(you have to be well dressed in hotel industry). There was a hint of flesh at the place where his naada had slipped off the underwear to reveal around 10% of his bum..(but since we really are not into all this we will ignore the details). Anyway got a room for 200 bucks per night. Atleast the room had a western toilet cum bathroom so we had nuthing to complain.
Went out at night to search for dinner..Found a hotel at the thaap..had bajre ki rotis and dal. AWESOME ..more so when i had skipped the lunch.
Got up at 445 next day. walked to the theka for tea(i have to have tea in the morning ...kind of addicted)....rushed back to attack the loo. ;)
We started off from Khubi at around 6..towards Khireshwar..there is a kacchha track off the highway itself right down from khubi.
One hour walk(including ample time wastage at the temple and photo ops). Reach Khireswar at 715 ...and then the eternal wait for Pohe begins. We ordered the pohe at 715 and it comes at 750...anyway the quantity is large . We overeat.
Start climb at 8...and the overeaten poha gets me all upset. We climb climb climb..reach Tolar khind and rest..then climb climb ..(all around you have chalk marks guiding you...I will take this oppurtunity to thank those guys who did it..thanks a ton guys). Reach a rock patch..then climb..climb climb. Reach the temple in 2.5 hrs(not baaad). Congratulate ourselves .
Roam around the temple, take a dip at kedarling(I am pretty touchy about dirty water..so vivek had to take a dip and convince me..even after that i found a dead frog floating in the "holy waters") waters freezing..and I froze my b@$$ off . But refreshing ..very refreshing. All the tiredness just vanished and we were ready for Taramati Peak...
Climbed the peak in 45 minutes. (i need to do something about my stamina..its going down exponentially). Took pics..!Me and vivek have a heated argument on wat to do..he wants to do ballekilla ..I am stuck to Kankan Kada. I win(More so when no one knows the route to Ballekilla) . We get down after lunch at the peak.
Follow groups to Konkan Kada. Almost had a heart attack looking at this peice of work. It is PHEW!!. Guys reading this...please go and see this placeKONKAN KADA...you will never forget the first sight. Spent time moving back and forth on the ridge..Enjoy the view. Vivek takes "panoramic " pics..I regret not buying a better camera.
Return back to the caves. Beg all the camping groups for a place to sleep...shooed off by two groups accepted by the third who offer us khichdi at night for dinner. Vivek refuses ..I am seduced by the warm smell..I dig in, vivek also does reluctantly. The group offers us a smoke and a peg..We both refuse. I am no dharamatma but i am qweasy about drinking on a trek(that too near a temple..sorry ..not my thing) ..Smokin is a no no even without the trek. Anyway night passes with fleeting memories of hearing marathi film songs and fire crackiling outside.
Next morning 445 get up brush and freshen up. Vivek is stuck on Ballekilla..I am like "lets first get a confirmation about the route..only then. More so when the hill is covered with forest. Getting lost in western ghats is not my exact idea of fun"...We ask ask and ask,but no one knows the route.
So we decide to trek back . One half hours later we are back in khubi. Vivek has poha for breakfast at a hut (orders in an omelette and makes a fuss about drinkin an extra lemonade I ordered..wat the hell). My memories of the last Poha makes me refuse the same.
We trek back assuming we will be back in an hour in Khubi.
Then we got lost
That is the worse insult we could have suffered. Imagine doing a great trek to a unknown place and getting lost on the known route.
The sun is overhead and me and vivek are having fun going up and down running around in circles. Exchanging gyan about directions..And wondering why the faar faar hill looks like a bactrian camels hump. We are actually kind of crazy..just imagine...you are lost and then exchanging gyaan about the situation on the world climate change . We deserve to get lost.
But the best part is that we are not blamin each other. I have seen it happen in other groups but we are not one of them...we enjoy even getting lost lol!In fact we saw some ravines we missed out on the way to khireswar.
Anyway..we decide to keep the bactrian camel hump hill in our sight and trek straight..hit Khube after going through two kms of a patch where we were incessently irritated by flies buzzing around. Actually when i saw vivek flailin his arms around..i thought he was trying to do some coolin down exercises..later i realized he was shooing away flies.We finally get back after roaming for 3 hrs.
Reach Khubi and take a ST to Kalyan. No place to sit. Stand for 3 hrs more . Reach kalyan and get back to civilisation.
Was welcomed by the news of a freinds son's birth . Celebrated by eating my way thru Subway ...
Next day is work day.Back to school..err IIT
Thursday, November 6, 2008
People who smile...
there are some people you come across in your life those keep on smiling. While I am all for cheerfull disposition I hate to see meaningless smiles.
I mean how the hell does one keep on smiling without any rhyme or reason. ..? Thats what surprises me. The best part of the fact is that I have seen that the most useless of people have this perpetual smile.
Unemployed, without income, totally without skills or knowledge and absolutely not a care in the world..these are the people who smile the most. The kind of smile a rickshawwala gives in small towns ..or the kind of smiles guys gossipin on roads give..the kind thats given by villagers when they see a big car pulling up.
I sometimes feel ..what the fuck are you happy about?How can you be so happy wasting your life and yet enjoying it? How can ignorance be so blissfull?
Dont get me wrong, i am not against smiling...but the reason for a smile is as important as smiling itself. I for example see nothing great in smiling at trouble of others..yet its technically a smile.
Indiscriminate smiling is what I am against.
I mean how the hell does one keep on smiling without any rhyme or reason. ..? Thats what surprises me. The best part of the fact is that I have seen that the most useless of people have this perpetual smile.
Unemployed, without income, totally without skills or knowledge and absolutely not a care in the world..these are the people who smile the most. The kind of smile a rickshawwala gives in small towns ..or the kind of smiles guys gossipin on roads give..the kind thats given by villagers when they see a big car pulling up.
I sometimes feel ..what the fuck are you happy about?How can you be so happy wasting your life and yet enjoying it? How can ignorance be so blissfull?
Dont get me wrong, i am not against smiling...but the reason for a smile is as important as smiling itself. I for example see nothing great in smiling at trouble of others..yet its technically a smile.
Indiscriminate smiling is what I am against.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The worst thing you can do in a normal day..
Ever faced with the situation in which you are sleepy at around six in evening..? And you succumb..then you get up at 10 in night...?
whole night before you and you are fresh as daisy....
Yucky
Its seriously the most sick "normal" feeling because of three things..
1. You are groggy and fresh at the same time..
2. everyone is sleeping and you cant share your "day" with anyone else..
3. You know the next day is going to be hell because you will sleep late tonight..and get up groggy next morning for work...and you also know how the next day is going to turn up...
Whats worse than sleeping at 6...sleeping at 4 in afternoon and getting up at 8 or 10...its seriously the worst thing you can do to yourself.
No wonder maa used to tell me that one should never sleep during "godhuli"...godhuli means basically cow-dust..the time when cows return home...
Sometimes its better to listen to maa....
whole night before you and you are fresh as daisy....
Yucky
Its seriously the most sick "normal" feeling because of three things..
1. You are groggy and fresh at the same time..
2. everyone is sleeping and you cant share your "day" with anyone else..
3. You know the next day is going to be hell because you will sleep late tonight..and get up groggy next morning for work...and you also know how the next day is going to turn up...
Whats worse than sleeping at 6...sleeping at 4 in afternoon and getting up at 8 or 10...its seriously the worst thing you can do to yourself.
No wonder maa used to tell me that one should never sleep during "godhuli"...godhuli means basically cow-dust..the time when cows return home...
Sometimes its better to listen to maa....
Monday, November 3, 2008
Living a lie...
How many people amoungst us live a lie?....Even if you are the first to shout "not me" ....its not really true.
Very few amongst us live life as they feel like. While a majority of us go about acting an act. We act act act and then act some more.
Our emotions are dependent on our profit motives. For example we tolerate insults from our bosses because we get paid by him...while we shower the same on our juniors just because we think its the right act....There are people who act as if they adore their wife while they detest them there are people who wud rather kill their brothers but open their arms for him...There are lovers who make the right number of sighs and swoons but walk away in times of need...There are sons who are sons till the pension of dad lasts...
We act getttin angry, we act pleased , we act happy..We act so much that when we want to return to our true emotions it becomes difficult. Its very confusing when one realises that in the trade-off this "act" can be avoided. It can be avoided if we stop yeilding to subtle "peer pressure"...
Very few amongst us live life as they feel like. While a majority of us go about acting an act. We act act act and then act some more.
Our emotions are dependent on our profit motives. For example we tolerate insults from our bosses because we get paid by him...while we shower the same on our juniors just because we think its the right act....There are people who act as if they adore their wife while they detest them there are people who wud rather kill their brothers but open their arms for him...There are lovers who make the right number of sighs and swoons but walk away in times of need...There are sons who are sons till the pension of dad lasts...
We act getttin angry, we act pleased , we act happy..We act so much that when we want to return to our true emotions it becomes difficult. Its very confusing when one realises that in the trade-off this "act" can be avoided. It can be avoided if we stop yeilding to subtle "peer pressure"...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Complex numbers and complex questions!
Whats square root of -1?
Even if u had basic maths in school , you will realise that its i(defined as square root of negative).
Big deal..I have been dealin with this for almost half of my life (being an electrical engineer..i is impossible to escape)
But then sometimes I think its fine..but what does i mean in "reality". There are thousands of definations... i is the part of y axis of argand diagram...i means an operation of 90 degree rotation..etc etc..
but just think about this..
i= sqrt(-1)
lets define all this in "reality"
1= as in one ness..one apple , two apple..etc
sqrt= operation defining a number multiplied by the same (inverse)
- = subtract(take away)
now what does i represent?
where is i in the "real world"?
1 is there, sqrt is there, subtract is there....but where the f$%% is i?
first of all is "i" allowed in real numbers? what is it ?
I think i know the answer..or maybe its a guess..
There is no "i" in the real world ..because there is no number in the "real world". When I say that What I mean is that we may relate numbers to "one ness".."twoness" ..etc but they are just equivalences . One apple is equivalent to one orange ..but only when we imagine it to be so.
In that case the number one is imaginary. So is the operation sqrt and hence "i" is also imaginary. Its not different from 1,2,3...
Even operations like "additions" and sunbtractions are imaginary..
Let me explain..Suppose you say 1+1=2
I may ask you what does it mean in real world. ..? You might say that one banana and one banana makes 2 bananas. But look at this closely...What you have defined is a "rule" that you have empirically made. Its not a fundamental property of the "number"...
How do you know that after adding a million pair of bananas you might not get 1+1=1.5?
Hence is there any point relating numbers and mathematics to the real world?
A straight line is abstract and at most is a model. That it fits most observations is only a coincindence. How do we know for sure that a more fundamental shape doesnt exist?
Which brings me to the dilema that I found perplexing in school...
Why do teachers try to relate maths as a real life example? Isnt it factually and conceptually wrong? Isnt it wrong to teach that 1+1=2 because one banana plus one banana is equal to two bananas?
Isnt it better we just say that in our game called mathematics..these are symbols 1 and "+" is a operator. Lets define rules and play the game...
The game may be close to real life but its not real life...Not in all situations in real life will 1+1=2
Of smaller gains and bigger losses...
How often do I feel that life has cheated me once again? Not very often ..but yes one does get this feeling that " oh shit! why did all this happen to me?" ...I too get it .
Sometimes I feel that why should I face it all when I really havent done any hark knowingly...Most often this feeling comes when som expectation of mine is met with dissapointment. When I feel that I almost have it made and suddenly everything crashes before my eyes for no apparent fault of mine.
It also happens when I have almost a bargian struck and suddenly the bargain gets undone. Its so dissapointing..Infact there used to be times i used to almost get down with depression . Why me ?
But as I have grown and matured(hopefully)...I have started getting a bit less jittery over these things . And I owe it to my father....(apart from owing a million other things including his beloved transistor that i broke when i was five).
One day as I was mulling over some real emotional hassles , he came over to me and asked if i wanted tea...I was in no mood . I looked far away and did not say anything...
Neverthe less he made tea and told me to have tea...
then he said two things which i distinctly remember...
he said " do not be fooled by people who offer you small gains...look at the bigger picture...do not deal with guys who are unethical. They will offer you small enticements and try to get your advantage ..but ultimately do not bite their bait. Be with people who talk straight and do straight. "
Secondly
" Everything that happens happens for a reason, and life averages out. Never compare. There will always be bigger , better, and richer people than you ..but these people will also have bigger , better and more complex problems which you might not be aware of. Enjoy what you have and give whatever you can selflessly without expecting a return. If you are good do not expect that the world will be good to you..if you give 1 rupee..dont expect it back in any form"
I was a teen then and i guess all this went over my head then..! But now when i am faced with dissapointments I recall that conversation and think how true my dad was and is . Everytime something wrong has happened I have realised that "wrong" is a time based defination.
Whats wrong is a span of six monthes is a part of the "right" in a span of three years.
It depends where and how far from the "wrong" are you standing.
There are times when a decission seems very very bad...Its as if I made the biggest mistake of my life..but soon as things settle ..in the long run things do work out. I am somewhere close by to the place i wanted to be at this stage of my life...
Yes , there have been diversions , corrections and u turns but ultimately things do "average out".
Everytime I am faced with a desperate situation which is lose-lose ..I think i take the decission which is closest to what dad said to me that day. And I have generally made it safe and sound. Wherever I have digressed or have gone against this "common sense" I have taken a fall.
So almost by hit and miss approach I have made these two sentences the axiom of my life. Like the Euclid's fifth axiom(parallel lines do not meet)..these axioms will hold till proven otherwise..
Friday, October 24, 2008
The template for romance...
I am forever in awe of people who believe in romance..i mean the man-woman kind. Thats because i find it hard to see the genuineness behind it. Why? Let me explain...
A guy in a love marriage is more often than not playing according to his wife. He says and does everything that his wife thinks its right. (Not that it does not happen in arranged marriages). Its surprising how much of a belief change that man goes through. He thinks and behaves exactly as is expected out of him..If his wife thinks that he has to be a modernist and applaud her wearing a bikini..he does it lamely (even though he realizes that other men are having a gala time at his expense). If his wife feels that its worthwhile to go to goa..the guy tucks his tail and runs along with her to goa.
I find it amusing and funny.
- Most of the romances start with the guy being attracted to the girl. Why? Physical beauty is the true reason and beauty of heart is the politically correct one.(Contradiction 1-How can you know the beauty of heart shit before you know a girl? Is she wearing a heart grade sheet on her ?). Sometimes it is often the other way around but the chances are rare..so we neglect the case.
- Secondly , the guy keeps running behind her. Fulfilling her small wishes till she acknowledges his love and in turn falls in love.(contradiction2- If u can make some one fall in love by just running behind her..is it love or pity?)
- The girl and boy are now in love . Now she has put some conditions for love. He should not smoker, drink and be a good boy. (contradiction 3- Love is the alternate way for reform school? or maybe a juvenile delinquent school)
- Many gifts and presents later the guy claims that now the girl finally loves her very much and they are equally in love.(Contradiction 4- What is the bench mark for finally being in love? )
- Finally the time has come when the boy lands a job or the gal is to be married...They part tears later cursing the world that it has finally broken true love(contradiction 5- At the end of the day we make the decission we are most comfy with..why blame the world?)
A guy in a love marriage is more often than not playing according to his wife. He says and does everything that his wife thinks its right. (Not that it does not happen in arranged marriages). Its surprising how much of a belief change that man goes through. He thinks and behaves exactly as is expected out of him..If his wife thinks that he has to be a modernist and applaud her wearing a bikini..he does it lamely (even though he realizes that other men are having a gala time at his expense). If his wife feels that its worthwhile to go to goa..the guy tucks his tail and runs along with her to goa.
I find it amusing and funny.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Counting my blessings
What have i learnt from the life i have lived till now? I am fairly old and have gone through a great life till now. I have had expierances that most people dream about. I am yet to have a lot of expierances that i dream about. ..but sometimes when I collate whatever life has taught me till now, i can gather a few pearls of wisdom that i woudnt have learnt had life been a bit softer with me..! Today i thought that I would put down in words what i think are the biggest thruths in my life.
- If you have good freinds half of life's problems are solved.I am fortunate because i have great freinds. Great in the way that i feel comfortable with them stripped down to the basics. They may be bit rough around the edges and most of the times they greet me with choiciest of abuses but these are people who are genuine and true. Yes, we may not really be into collective beer baths or bachelor parties , but when i see people in corporate world and the freindships they carry ..i can only say , "thank god, i have real freinds". The freinds i have have literally carried me out from the dumps and made me see life in a better way. These are the people who have placed their personal prestige on hold to see me happy. Why should i not feel fortunate that i have freinds like this?
- The best thing in life is your health and peace of mind. When i see my class mates with beer bellies and double chins i realise that these guys are so helpless in a system that expoects them to work in coffe and pizza environment without a care for personal health. They earn tonnes and tonnes of money but spend most of that in an expensive gym trying to fast forward their health routine. Most of them are addicted to alcohol and smoke. And most of them are obese beyond repair. I look at them and feel great that I can still do a three day trek with ease..I can end my day with a run...I can say no to junk food and yes I can survive without alcohol. ..More than that i can sleep peacefully .
- Nothing in life is what it seems at first glance. Although life is beautiful and human beings are essentially nice, life is not what it seems at the first glance. I am not talking of appearances here. I am talking of relationships and feelings. Lurking amoungst genuine love and freindships are grade one actors who are out to take advantage of the smallest break in your armour. Its well nigh difficult to avoid them, to avoid them you have to lose your basic goodness which is really not worth it...hence the broken hearts and failed bonds. So what can you do to overcome them? Nothing much , just leave them and walk on. If you are a genuine guy , most likely you will end up with good guys. The bad guys will get it on their own...u need not waste time , thinking how to damn them. Just try learning and moving on.
- There is no such thing as a free lunch. Life is a total trade off and we all reach our optimum levels of sadness and hapiness . If some one has gained much, he has also lost much ..so its no use trying to compare or compete. With every reward you earn there is a pay off involved. While it may not be apparent in the start you will pay the price eventually.Its better to not be taken in by small sighted advantages over far reaching damages.
- There are two kinds of people whom you meet in life. One who inspire you to better things and others who pull you down to their levels. Its best that you avoid the second types ..however beneficial it may be to u.
- The only living gods one needs to worship is his /her parents. Nothing they do will be to intentionally harm you. Yes, they may make unintentional faults but that is too small a thing to hold out against them. They are worthy of worship and respect and more so when they grow old. Its our duty and dharma. Nothing can degrade the love and affection they have given us and we need to give it back in full measure.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Women bug me..
I am a confirmed heterosexual but there is sumthing about women that actually irritates the shit out of me. The sometimes drive me nuts with their logic and just when u think thats it..they drive it a bit more.
I seriously have given up hopes of having a good conversation with a female. Its not that they are intelligent. Its just that they are too intelligent. They think that everything they do or try to do is "right". Right , oh yeah! and who gives them the divine right to define so? Biology i presume , maam?
And if they dont understand a thing u are talking they will make it appear that thats the least important thing in the world.(any moron can tell u that laptop IS NOT the least important thing in the world) And they will point that out with their dainty manicured nails that this is the point. What the f$%#$....!!! How holier than thou..
Its always the men that are troubling them. Men are uncouth, mama's boys, dumb dickheads and sex maniacs out to rape every female animal on the road...!! Its just that they are putting up with us because they are such martyrs for the cause of mankind(ha ha ha ..pun intended).
As I was discussing with pradeep ..we both felt that the entry of a woman only complicates matters.
I see a woman driver I am all tuned up for an accident...I see a woman employee at the bank, i kno i am half impaired, I look at a woman waiter and there goes my order..I see a woman clerk and I have almost given up hope. They are there in name of feminism to make the world more murkier than it usually is. They will bring in factors that u never thought was important...
And no its not CUTE...More so when a woman who is NOT CUTE tries to be CUTE. That is entirely disgusting. Even in your wildest imagination you would puke trying to see a real ugly aunty be so coquettish for a small bargain. C'mon aunty , u are not exactly the barbie doll u think urself to be...Give us a break. We may be dumb but certainly not blind.
Women give an impression that we are a disgusting specis that they bear because of the greater good. And while men fall at their feet they walk all over them. Blame the bloody goddamn runaway libido that we have for our total lack of intelligence and total presence of omnipresent sex drive...We are slaves because of that . Had it not been for sex most women would have ended up from where they came from..Venus or Andromeda..wherever the f$#^%$^ place is...
I seriously have given up hopes of having a good conversation with a female. Its not that they are intelligent. Its just that they are too intelligent. They think that everything they do or try to do is "right". Right , oh yeah! and who gives them the divine right to define so? Biology i presume , maam?
And if they dont understand a thing u are talking they will make it appear that thats the least important thing in the world.(any moron can tell u that laptop IS NOT the least important thing in the world) And they will point that out with their dainty manicured nails that this is the point. What the f$%#$....!!! How holier than thou..
Its always the men that are troubling them. Men are uncouth, mama's boys, dumb dickheads and sex maniacs out to rape every female animal on the road...!! Its just that they are putting up with us because they are such martyrs for the cause of mankind(ha ha ha ..pun intended).
As I was discussing with pradeep ..we both felt that the entry of a woman only complicates matters.
I see a woman driver I am all tuned up for an accident...I see a woman employee at the bank, i kno i am half impaired, I look at a woman waiter and there goes my order..I see a woman clerk and I have almost given up hope. They are there in name of feminism to make the world more murkier than it usually is. They will bring in factors that u never thought was important...
And no its not CUTE...More so when a woman who is NOT CUTE tries to be CUTE. That is entirely disgusting. Even in your wildest imagination you would puke trying to see a real ugly aunty be so coquettish for a small bargain. C'mon aunty , u are not exactly the barbie doll u think urself to be...Give us a break. We may be dumb but certainly not blind.
Women give an impression that we are a disgusting specis that they bear because of the greater good. And while men fall at their feet they walk all over them. Blame the bloody goddamn runaway libido that we have for our total lack of intelligence and total presence of omnipresent sex drive...We are slaves because of that . Had it not been for sex most women would have ended up from where they came from..Venus or Andromeda..wherever the f$#^%$^ place is...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
How proud am I
Day in and day out i hear people tell things in such a way that i cant but marvel at the way they put it across. I mean they speak so randomly as to confuse you. I do not know if its a trait carefully cultivated or a success paradigm or just habbit...
Just the other day I was talking to Pradip and asked him about Visual Basic..he took me to his comp and showed me how to get to things...And it really looked so simple. Infact so simple that i wrote a small programme in it.
Contrast this to wat i asked another freind of mine "what is visual Basic"..his reply.."Well its a front end tool ..and very limited one"..
"Can you show me how to use it?"..
his answer.."Arrey yaar there are so many great books on it...i had made so and so project on that during my college days..."
"Can u show me how to use it"...
....Blank...
Whom do i appreciate more? A guy who is cool enuf to spend his time on teaching me or some one who tries to impress me with his jargon?
And this i find it happening more in life.
I met this freind of my freind who described herself as a "challenge taker girl"...I asked her as to the last challenging task she undertook.."Too many to recount" was her answer.
What do u make out of these guys. ..?
I mean before i joined navy I asked a cousin(who had joined and then left NDA) as to what was the schedule of millitary training..his answer.." Sabka ho jaata hai yaar..u just have to run well and run continously"
I try to give a more specific answer when some newbie comes to me...
And then there is this thing of pumping of things.
"when we were in NDA..." "When i took this girl out".."when i invested in so and so"...Who the f is interested yaar?
You may be the great leader in your dreams but you must realise the difference between vanity and pride. Pride is what you feel inside..Vanity is wat you try to feel outside.
The funniest part is when you run into people who boast about things that you thought were quite a common place . I remember talkin to a guy in train..he was boasting that he was doin MTech in IIT Delhi. I was actually impressed with his talk till I realised that what the heck..even I was a IIT MTech. But somehow i never felt so great.
I was always like "wats the big deal?, thousands have dun it before me..and thousands will follow after me.."
But the guy actually made me realise how great was such marketing...
I look up to guys in admiration due to the way they market themselves. Its amazing. And I am not being patronising.
They are so good at it and I am so pathetic. Maybe I got a lot to learn..Maybe with enough efforts I can learn. I have been makin a fool of myself every now and then...
Monday, October 6, 2008
Truth..
I believe in the power of truth. It has come to me not in a day but in some twenty eight years of living. I do not know if I am being stupid or unnecessarily idealistic but somewhere deep down inside me , I believe that if I am speaking the truth I have nothing to fear.
There have been a lot of instances in my life where I have seen that if you are armed with truth you can win lots of battles. While that does not mean you become naive and simple, it simply means that if you want to win , you should side the truth. Even if things look drab and dark in short term , standing by the truth will ultimately make you the winner...
Now one can say that we got many versions of the truth..which one to stand for?...I would suggest you stand for the truth your heart believes in. Not by logic but by faith. If I believe that giving alms to beggers is bad..that is the truth to me. How does that matter if some one believes otherwise..
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Everything breaks
I wrote this poem on a peice of napkin sittin at my fav restaurant , Piccadily, Colaba. What prompted it was a glass that the waiter dropped and broke...What made it more tragic was that the glass contained my iced tea..Such is life.Enjoy the poem
Everything breaks..
Day breakes, nights break..
The flow of time breaks..
Illusions break , they painfully break..
relations break, they so painfully break..
Men break, women break..
Children,oh they do break...
The coastline breaks, the oceans break..
The truth breaks and so does the lies...
The water breaks, and so does the skies...
Love breaks, rage breaks..
The play breaks, so does the stage...
..and how do they..
..and how do they...
With a crack, a whimper and a whisper...
with a limp and a swagger..
But they do break...
and how they break...
to leave behind the debris ..
Of a new begining..
Of a new bond and of a new break
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Who is responsible..!!
As I saw the bihar floods on TV and my freinds expressed their sympathy at the pithy state of people being marooned , without food , almost barely existing... Almost surprisingly I was smirking. The only thought in my mind was "serves them right"...
Why? before you accuse me of being a sadist let me explain why do I feel no sympathy for this kind of administrative failure. I will start with a few examples.
Bihar floods- The floods started because of lack of co-ordination and urgency shown by both Nepal and Bihar. However the blame comes on to Bihar because it stood (and has) to suffer the slap. That the administration has failed to deliver is an open secret. That people have been let down is the major war cry . Fine all that is great on the years...But but but..
Let me dwell on the major culprit of this tragedy. Its not the CM , its the people of bihar. Day in and day out by a selective caste based democratic weeding they have consistently favoured caste and religion over efficiency. Politics doesnt develop over a day and the majority decides the kind of people that stay in power. The biharis as a majority have voted for caste rather than administration. Is it any surprise that administration has failed them over and over again.
An intelligent guy learns by his mistake ..but not biharis. They will go ahead and do the same stuff again and blame the system. They will die as insects and still hold on to their culture of Caste. Hence I have no sympathy for such idiots who do not understand wats good for them.
Singur- Singurs land prices hiked up by 4 times when TATA got involved. For the state of west bengal this plant was god sent but they are on the verge of squandering it all. In the name of janam bhoomi they are losing jobs and income. And being naive they are used as football by politicians. But are they so helpless? I do not think so. If they are interseted in improving their lives why sit silent when they see their livelihood being depleted? Why go ahead and kick the hand that feeds them? Why hold on to the fig leaf of sovreignity when the next day's food is not gurateed. As of what i see next TATA will move out and soon the land will be cut out within CPI cadres. The "poor" on whose name the fight is being fought will again go back to their hand to mouth existence till they die of hunger. Again simple stupidity by idiots who can't identify the difference between pragmatism and idealism.
We always blame the politicians for he ills of society. I beg to differ. Politicians are like entertainers ..if you want them to do a classical dance they will compete with each other to learn Kathak,if you want them to do a striptease they will do it till they have a skeleton left....
Inshort ..u can make them do wat u want..provided they see a vote in it.
The reason Mr Raj Thakeray is boomin is because there is a tacit approval of his tactics from Marathis. A few soundbites from miniscule educated marathis is not the approval he seeks..The majority wants him to do what he is doing.
Similar is the case with Ahmedabad riots. It might be an inconvinient truth but the people of gujurat were by and large anti-muslim and the riots were people propelled..why blame Modi for it. If the people didnt want it..there would have been no riots.
Today majority of muslims are suspect of terrorism..but can it be denied that there is a strong undercurrent of truth in that?
Its the people who decide their future and their short term actions have far reaching long term results. Today a Dam is stopped tomorrow there will be power shortage ,power shortage means lesser work, means low standard of living, means poverty means hunger ..means human tragedy. But these people will oppose a dam because they like environment better than their children. Who can save the Kalidas who cuts the same branch that he sits on?
The most dangerous man is a man who is not selfish. Because his actions are unpredictable and sometimes suicidal. Why should I feel any sympathy for a man who attempts regular suicide.
Hence when there are floods, bridge collabse, temple tragedies or man made disasters I know it has been made because the same guys who are sufferers are the cause of the tragedy..
Hence I smirk and enjoy another longterm disaster of short sighted people....!! And flick over to see the plastic abs to Rakhi sawant..
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Rock on!!
Dialogue writing is such a difficult art. Its like making the perfect biryani. If its good its barely noticable if its bad its stinks. The stink spoils the entire table.
Thankfully films like "rock on" have dialogues that err..rock. The beauty of the film should have ideally been the music but its the dialogues that steal the thunder. I sometimes wonder how do these guys get into heads of people..? I mean its not easy to write like people think. I have been trying my best to write a peice of sentence thats not lifted from already existing literature....
Especially the interaction between aditya and his wife...Maaannn!!! This is one original peice of talk that hits on your face. I sympatize with aditya ..while i also know that even his wife is right.
Women have a logic so twisted that its easy to dismiss them as crazy but even they are convinced that they are right. Not only that they try to convince others about their "right" path. They want the "whole" thing ..not in parts. Its so disgusting..Anyway I am digressing.
This is supposed to be about the film not about women. Anyway the latter subject is still under active research....
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The followers..!!!
I would like to believe in an innocent world . A world where things are fair, where dogs are cute, where people are generally nice and well meaning ...where workers are self motivated and capitalists are philanthropists. I would love to believe in a world which believes in love , where people fall in love and stay in love , where emotions are pure and clean...!! I would love to believe ..provided its real.
The fact is that this is not true. The world with all its jagged edges is not fair. Everyone realises it . But the most disgusting fact is that some people refuse to acknowledge it and continue to advertise and sell their concept of a pink pink strawberry world to the gullible lot who really dont mind getting mentally spoonfed. What makes the offer even more smelly is that these sales guy/girls are themselves a product of the real world and practice exact opposite of what they preach.
But the most dangerous people are not these salesmen..the most dangerous are the idiots who buy these ideas. They are the ones who make the world a jittery place. Since their conviction is based on borrowed ideas they stand stubborn in their claim to the originality of the idea. The will fight and die like insects for these on-rent ideas. Thats not so much for their conviction as much as it is for the recognition of their mundane lives.Assiociation with big ideas gives them a chance to be a part of a bigger chaos and grab their corner of limelight which would have never otherwise come their way. Its more of a psychological manifestation of severe underconfidance.
These are the people who form the lines of Indian Idol, of MTV Splitsvilla, of Shiv Sena, Raj Thakeray and Al qaeda...These are the devouts infront of shirdi sai baba, and these are the wannabes who roll their "R's" in anticipation of the american dream, these are the ones who wear their patriotism on their sleeves ....These are the PETA guys who never ever face a mad dog on the streets, these are the Narmada bachao party who never face the crunch of lack of development...These are people who perpetrate the exact disease they seek to cure.
These are the termites one should be aware and beware of...!!!
The fact is that this is not true. The world with all its jagged edges is not fair. Everyone realises it . But the most disgusting fact is that some people refuse to acknowledge it and continue to advertise and sell their concept of a pink pink strawberry world to the gullible lot who really dont mind getting mentally spoonfed. What makes the offer even more smelly is that these sales guy/girls are themselves a product of the real world and practice exact opposite of what they preach.
But the most dangerous people are not these salesmen..the most dangerous are the idiots who buy these ideas. They are the ones who make the world a jittery place. Since their conviction is based on borrowed ideas they stand stubborn in their claim to the originality of the idea. The will fight and die like insects for these on-rent ideas. Thats not so much for their conviction as much as it is for the recognition of their mundane lives.Assiociation with big ideas gives them a chance to be a part of a bigger chaos and grab their corner of limelight which would have never otherwise come their way. Its more of a psychological manifestation of severe underconfidance.
These are the people who form the lines of Indian Idol, of MTV Splitsvilla, of Shiv Sena, Raj Thakeray and Al qaeda...These are the devouts infront of shirdi sai baba, and these are the wannabes who roll their "R's" in anticipation of the american dream, these are the ones who wear their patriotism on their sleeves ....These are the PETA guys who never ever face a mad dog on the streets, these are the Narmada bachao party who never face the crunch of lack of development...These are people who perpetrate the exact disease they seek to cure.
These are the termites one should be aware and beware of...!!!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
How does one react..
I used to laugh at people when they talk of life altering expierances....It always used to be the logic that how can one incident alter fundas that have taken years to built. Now I am wiser...(hopefully)
An expierance CAN alter the perspective you see things with. It can turn a view by 180 degrees and set you on a course which you may not have even envisaged in your wildest dreams. It can make a conservative out of a liberal..it can turn u an atheist from a believer and set you on a totally different tangent.
The expierance can be personal or collective ..but i have seen that its personal one that changes ppl most. Something deep down turns about and voila he /she is a changed person. The change may not be visisble or tangible but manifests itself in subtle gestures..which can be noticed on inspection.
Something tells me that even I have changed a lot in years..I hope its for the better ;)
An expierance CAN alter the perspective you see things with. It can turn a view by 180 degrees and set you on a course which you may not have even envisaged in your wildest dreams. It can make a conservative out of a liberal..it can turn u an atheist from a believer and set you on a totally different tangent.
The expierance can be personal or collective ..but i have seen that its personal one that changes ppl most. Something deep down turns about and voila he /she is a changed person. The change may not be visisble or tangible but manifests itself in subtle gestures..which can be noticed on inspection.
Something tells me that even I have changed a lot in years..I hope its for the better ;)
Monday, August 18, 2008
Generation gap...
Sometimes when I think as to can I define myself as todays generation..I am cornered by the idea as to what this generation means and what are its value systems. Although its all very convinient to dismiss all "new" generation as all fart and no shit..It takes only a minute of introspection to find out that there is no homogenity in todays generation to warrant such generalisations..
Come to think of it , todays generation is more democratic in arts and culture scene. Our best directors of late have been the new blood, so have been music composers, painters, sculptors . Our best businessmen have been new blood ...But despite that there is a great divide even within this confidant lot...
The divide of viewing the way of the west. Here there are two categories.
One who believe and live in the western space. They act and believe wholeheartedly in the western scene. They are convinced that the india around them can be ignored. However they are also contributing to the growth of India.
The second category are actors. They also believe in western way of life but underneath they despise the very system. They are ok with others wives wearing bikinis as long as their missus stays in salwar. They will join in a bachelor orgy but come back and atone for their "sins" in their puja rooms next day. These ppl do not believe in the west. However the interesting fact is that both these groups are convinced that the western way of life is the most pragmatic way.
The only issue is that which group is more "correct"..? well that itself is subjective as there is also a third group which shuns western culture totally ..(but they are in no way to be confidant enough to be the movers and shakers..this group can only be a nuisance..so we will neglect them)... The is no correct or incorrect label..I think a conflict is necessary for India to evolve a "middle Path"..and I think that is possible. ie. Pragmatic westernisation with Indian values and culture....Its possible and its happening as we speak...
We just need to open our eyes...
Come to think of it , todays generation is more democratic in arts and culture scene. Our best directors of late have been the new blood, so have been music composers, painters, sculptors . Our best businessmen have been new blood ...But despite that there is a great divide even within this confidant lot...
The divide of viewing the way of the west. Here there are two categories.
One who believe and live in the western space. They act and believe wholeheartedly in the western scene. They are convinced that the india around them can be ignored. However they are also contributing to the growth of India.
The second category are actors. They also believe in western way of life but underneath they despise the very system. They are ok with others wives wearing bikinis as long as their missus stays in salwar. They will join in a bachelor orgy but come back and atone for their "sins" in their puja rooms next day. These ppl do not believe in the west. However the interesting fact is that both these groups are convinced that the western way of life is the most pragmatic way.
The only issue is that which group is more "correct"..? well that itself is subjective as there is also a third group which shuns western culture totally ..(but they are in no way to be confidant enough to be the movers and shakers..this group can only be a nuisance..so we will neglect them)... The is no correct or incorrect label..I think a conflict is necessary for India to evolve a "middle Path"..and I think that is possible. ie. Pragmatic westernisation with Indian values and culture....Its possible and its happening as we speak...
We just need to open our eyes...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Independence day...I am free..thanks for reminding !!!
Today as with all Independence Days and with all indians..I got up ..put on my collection of hindi patriotic songs, pinned a tricolor to my door, adjusted the flag stand on my car and maybe wished a few freinds in MHADA and IIT ..a happy I-Day (thru sms ..wat else..u expect me to go over to them..!!?) and that ended my duty towards all the idiots who gave me the chance to breathe in free air.
It ended and summed up my devotion to a country I am supposed to love. It freed me,an average Indian, from the moral and ethical responsibility of spitting on the roads , pillaging govt property, Ogling at the PYT at the bus stand, picking my nose in public,abusing infront of children, bossing over my juniors and super sychopancy to my seniors.
It freed me to think narrowly on religious lines, kicking the street dog, sniggering at the over full wards in govt hospitals, buying my way through a traffic violation, watering the roadside grass with urea and bile, lazing around, giving and taking graft ....
It freed me from the obligation of being patriotic for the rest of 364 days, of behaving like a bum , and generally talking without reason, boring people and yeah taking my freedom for granted...
What else do i expect from Independence day!! Wish fulfilled
It ended and summed up my devotion to a country I am supposed to love. It freed me,an average Indian, from the moral and ethical responsibility of spitting on the roads , pillaging govt property, Ogling at the PYT at the bus stand, picking my nose in public,abusing infront of children, bossing over my juniors and super sychopancy to my seniors.
It freed me to think narrowly on religious lines, kicking the street dog, sniggering at the over full wards in govt hospitals, buying my way through a traffic violation, watering the roadside grass with urea and bile, lazing around, giving and taking graft ....
It freed me from the obligation of being patriotic for the rest of 364 days, of behaving like a bum , and generally talking without reason, boring people and yeah taking my freedom for granted...
What else do i expect from Independence day!! Wish fulfilled
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
When are you goin to think....
There are times I hear very very cliched lines coming from quarters that make me throw up. Thats because of the fact that somehow it really doesnt fit in the person. Or sometimes the whole situation seems so bloody cliched that you question the genuineness of the entire scenario...
Lets take a "cliched" situation.
Girlfreind/Boyfreind.Scenery one. ( we assume that the boy smokes) .
Freinds sitting in a cafe ..Boy casually starts smoking-----> Girlfreind Gets angry----> Boy is scared of his girl-----> Mock fight---->Boy admits that although he is machoest man(is there a word like that??)the the girl Controls his life---> Girl is still angry but now is coy because she has proven her "right" over him..(the end)
More often than not this situation is played out to an audience...Where the audience applauds the act(instant gratification). Society in general expects such a scene(expectation). However there is an element of randomness in which one of the participating actors lose their lines or fail to take the cue(random act of God) ..in which case the audience provides a helping hand.
What actually gets my goat is the sincerity with which the "actors" believe in the role they were playing. I have given this example because this is wat has happened with a freind of mine(yeah and his GF) and within two months they were ka-put...
Why do we let such stupid notions of what our emotions should be ruin what our emotions actually are? Why do we feel that we "should" behave in a particular way? why should we be straitjacketed into a role the "audience" wants us to play? Why seek truth in vaudevile?
I sometimes think I ask weird questions...Well what the hell can you do about it?
Lets take a "cliched" situation.
Girlfreind/Boyfreind.Scenery one. ( we assume that the boy smokes) .
Freinds sitting in a cafe ..Boy casually starts smoking-----> Girlfreind Gets angry----> Boy is scared of his girl-----> Mock fight---->Boy admits that although he is machoest man(is there a word like that??)the the girl Controls his life---> Girl is still angry but now is coy because she has proven her "right" over him..(the end)
More often than not this situation is played out to an audience...Where the audience applauds the act(instant gratification). Society in general expects such a scene(expectation). However there is an element of randomness in which one of the participating actors lose their lines or fail to take the cue(random act of God) ..in which case the audience provides a helping hand.
What actually gets my goat is the sincerity with which the "actors" believe in the role they were playing. I have given this example because this is wat has happened with a freind of mine(yeah and his GF) and within two months they were ka-put...
Why do we let such stupid notions of what our emotions should be ruin what our emotions actually are? Why do we feel that we "should" behave in a particular way? why should we be straitjacketed into a role the "audience" wants us to play? Why seek truth in vaudevile?
I sometimes think I ask weird questions...Well what the hell can you do about it?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Just happy
Electronics goods (esp laptops and smart phones) are some things that make me happy...I mean i do not count myself amongst "geeks" but I am sure u understand when i speak of expierancing the happiness of running ur eyes over the sleek lines ..well placed buttons ...the glazed screen..bright smart applications ....ooohhh....!! U get the idea I guess..
Today I went to buy a "cheap" alternate phone and bought an expensive one(well..not that expensive) ..proving once again that love is blind. But I think its worth buying sumthing u like rather than burning in its desire (as long as u do not burn a king size hole) .
I have regretted not buying what my heart desired as far as my lappy was concerned. I always feel maybe with 5 grands more..i would have been happier..!! but then there is a school of thought which says "you can never be satisfied with electronics"...be that as may..I feel there is a platue level of "electronic happiness"....
I m right now sittin on that platue...
Today I went to buy a "cheap" alternate phone and bought an expensive one(well..not that expensive) ..proving once again that love is blind. But I think its worth buying sumthing u like rather than burning in its desire (as long as u do not burn a king size hole) .
I have regretted not buying what my heart desired as far as my lappy was concerned. I always feel maybe with 5 grands more..i would have been happier..!! but then there is a school of thought which says "you can never be satisfied with electronics"...be that as may..I feel there is a platue level of "electronic happiness"....
I m right now sittin on that platue...
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fever & imagination
I do not know if anyone has escaped a high fever but there is an expierance i would like to write about here before i forget it(something like a early dream)...!
A few days i "caught" malaria falciparum ...Pretty sneaky fever and sneakier parasite.
Apart from the severe chill and pain there was something else which i expieranced.
I realised that when the fever was at the highest ..I got severely depressed. The world suddenly looked so dark and forbidding. Everything was really really negative. I was convinced that I would fail in whatever I was doing. My rents would be unpaid. My grades would come down...I would be handicapped. In short my deepest fears became magnified and projected themselves...To say i was suicidal would be an extreme but suddenly i lost interest in life. It was as if there was no point in living .... Its funny recalling all this now but then the feelings seemed so real . Maybe the whole atmosphere was more darkened by the fact that it was pretty overcast and raining heavily....
The time I slept..i dreamt that i was a computer going thru an algorithm of the film "jab we met" ...Swear! What can beat that ...Or the fact that somewhere i felt that if i could reach the end of this algorithm I could sleep peacefully. Or the fact that I was a printer printing out copies of people passing by(I kno its absurd ..and maybe I will myself not believe these hallucinations..thats the precise reason i am putting them down).
To tell u the truth I sincerely feel that Malaria does release some hallucinogenic minerals into the blood stream. I am no bio technologist but just an average sufferrer and I felt as if I was under some drugs influence when the fever was at its highest...Maybe some day some doctor will write his thesis on this(by the way does ever a doctor write his "doctorate" thesis..ha ha )
By the way did u ever have this kind of expierance anytime?
A few days i "caught" malaria falciparum ...Pretty sneaky fever and sneakier parasite.
Apart from the severe chill and pain there was something else which i expieranced.
I realised that when the fever was at the highest ..I got severely depressed. The world suddenly looked so dark and forbidding. Everything was really really negative. I was convinced that I would fail in whatever I was doing. My rents would be unpaid. My grades would come down...I would be handicapped. In short my deepest fears became magnified and projected themselves...To say i was suicidal would be an extreme but suddenly i lost interest in life. It was as if there was no point in living .... Its funny recalling all this now but then the feelings seemed so real . Maybe the whole atmosphere was more darkened by the fact that it was pretty overcast and raining heavily....
The time I slept..i dreamt that i was a computer going thru an algorithm of the film "jab we met" ...Swear! What can beat that ...Or the fact that somewhere i felt that if i could reach the end of this algorithm I could sleep peacefully. Or the fact that I was a printer printing out copies of people passing by(I kno its absurd ..and maybe I will myself not believe these hallucinations..thats the precise reason i am putting them down).
To tell u the truth I sincerely feel that Malaria does release some hallucinogenic minerals into the blood stream. I am no bio technologist but just an average sufferrer and I felt as if I was under some drugs influence when the fever was at its highest...Maybe some day some doctor will write his thesis on this(by the way does ever a doctor write his "doctorate" thesis..ha ha )
By the way did u ever have this kind of expierance anytime?
Jaane tu- A review
Directors like Abbas tyrewala make me proud of the fact
that i belong to a country which has bollywood ....!
Jaane tu ..is a film which is nice ,wonderfully ,
"differently " written and directed by a person who can
write the truth in all its myriad forms. He is not
infalliable neither can he be always right. He will most
likely make pretty rotten movies but not today. Today he
made me proud that India has such wonderfull talent .
The film is not too much on story as much as its on the
little nuances that jump at you when you least expect it
pull you hard and leave you breathless and refreshed at
once .
The freshness of the treatment spills into the
interaction between the dead Naseeruddin shah and Ratna
Pathak. Its brave , amazing and just the sense of humour
which was missing till now in majority of the shit that
goes around.
Most of the scenes are so well crafted that I feel that
its difficult to single out any but what hit me host
were the the interaction between between the parents .
Its so deeply etched in my psyche ...especially the
interaction between Meghna's parents. Its the most
original peice of interaction i have ever seen in hindi
films.....
Actually towards the end of the movie it actually made
me think ...Do we really know the value of things till
we lose them..our parents , our pets ..our freinds
.......!! Do we really know the worst within our near
and dear ones..or do we really go by the bar code on the
wrapper. And does the bar code always say the truth?
Maybe i am reading too much into a nice film...but thats
what is the job of a nice film is ...
Makes you think ....makes you a part of it and suddenly
you cant stop being pulled into it.
Sahib biwi gulam made me sad for choti bahu..Do beegha
zameen made me cry for the rickshawala racing on streets
of calcutta...Choti choti batein made me smile and being
a part of the quirky family..Khubsurat left me with a
happiness long after i left the movie...
Jaane tu..left me with a lot of thoughts....most of it
pleasant.
Mr Tyrewala ...good job
that i belong to a country which has bollywood ....!
Jaane tu ..is a film which is nice ,wonderfully ,
"differently " written and directed by a person who can
write the truth in all its myriad forms. He is not
infalliable neither can he be always right. He will most
likely make pretty rotten movies but not today. Today he
made me proud that India has such wonderfull talent .
The film is not too much on story as much as its on the
little nuances that jump at you when you least expect it
pull you hard and leave you breathless and refreshed at
once .
The freshness of the treatment spills into the
interaction between the dead Naseeruddin shah and Ratna
Pathak. Its brave , amazing and just the sense of humour
which was missing till now in majority of the shit that
goes around.
Most of the scenes are so well crafted that I feel that
its difficult to single out any but what hit me host
were the the interaction between between the parents .
Its so deeply etched in my psyche ...especially the
interaction between Meghna's parents. Its the most
original peice of interaction i have ever seen in hindi
films.....
Actually towards the end of the movie it actually made
me think ...Do we really know the value of things till
we lose them..our parents , our pets ..our freinds
.......!! Do we really know the worst within our near
and dear ones..or do we really go by the bar code on the
wrapper. And does the bar code always say the truth?
Maybe i am reading too much into a nice film...but thats
what is the job of a nice film is ...
Makes you think ....makes you a part of it and suddenly
you cant stop being pulled into it.
Sahib biwi gulam made me sad for choti bahu..Do beegha
zameen made me cry for the rickshawala racing on streets
of calcutta...Choti choti batein made me smile and being
a part of the quirky family..Khubsurat left me with a
happiness long after i left the movie...
Jaane tu..left me with a lot of thoughts....most of it
pleasant.
Mr Tyrewala ...good job
Monday, June 16, 2008
Marriage –A markov model
| 0 | 1 | 2 | 1a | 1a' | 1b | 1b' | 1c | 1c' | 1d | 1d' | 1e | 1e' | if | 1f' | 3A | 3B |
0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 |
1a | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1a' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1b | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1b' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1c | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1c' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1d | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1d' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
1e | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 |
1e' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | 0 | 0 |
if | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.9 | 0.1 |
1f' | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.1 | 0.9 |
3A | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
3B | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
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THERE IS A SLIGHT MISTAKE IN THE DIAGRAM STATE 1 IS MARRIED STATE (NOT "UNMARRIED "AS THE DIA SHOWS..)
This is the Markov table of the marriage process.
3A and 3B are final absorbing states
Since the probability of having a happy ending (ie 3A ) from unhappy phase(1.f') is low I have kept it at 0.1 ..Similarly from 1.f --à3B
I have assumed equal measure of probabilities for favorable as well as unfavorable events (ie. 0.5 probability)
I will shortly calculate the probability of being in state 3A(happy) from state 2(unmarried) and from state 1(married). Rite now I am sleepy so will do the remainder later
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