I wrote this piece of shit when I was a bit drunk :
'Even if the entire world is shit..or so it looks like, remember one thing. The lens through which we perceive, feel and conceptualise 'the' world is built by us. The clearer we are in making that 'glass' , the 'purer' we are ..the world will appear so. Some say that the only way to live is to be 'brave'..I differ. The only way to live is to be 'scared'...Scared that this is your last day on earth. 'Scared' that maybe tomorrow I wont be able to smell the flowers, see the colors or touch the sky. The only thing that is truly your own worth building is information..ie memories. Don't take photos..take experiences. Its one imprint that's truly your own. Love! thats the only thing worth feeling...if you haven't experienced it ..you are either an idiot or an asshole. Imperfect,stupid and sometimes deceitful..Love,whatever it is its worth a try. Majority doesn't make anything right..you know that. Morality doesn't come from religion..it comes from common sense. Believe in only two things death and taxes(Oscar..oscar ..oscar). Nothing 'guarantees' happiness..except your acceptance (ref Chap 18 , The Bhagvat Gita). Dont be procedure oriented..be result oriented. The only result that should bother you is 'happiness'. And never make anything emotional with 'agendas'. Its counterproductive always. Some rules just cant be broken(AKA conservation of Mass-energy and the psycho-neurotics of women). Accept and move on . Thought processes define you. If you don't have one ..borrow and make do. If you are mentally incapable of lovemaking..dont try physically. Not worth it. . No one is indispensable..not even you. You aren't that important. There is a thin line between vanity and pride ..or between confidence and shamelessness. Its thin but its pretty distinct . Dont cross it. . And yeah.. Try giving a bit less Gyan..its pretty fucking irritating ..esp to the idiots '
And maybe verbal dysentery doesn't just go away ...call it the hangover of dysentery...
Come to think of it.. Life sometimes is SHIT. But the best part of it is that I think life gives you hints...subtle but nevertheless hints. Expectations and hints about expectations. It hints that sometimes you are not as important in someone's life as you think yourself to be
(As Twain Bhai said once .Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option)..
It could be your lover,freind, Dog(Ok,not Dog.. Dogs dont do that..) or relatives.. The fact that you are thinking about it should ring alarm bells..Loud..Very Loud. Nothing is more sad than sticking to people who don't care about you. You are better off alone. No doubt that the thought hurts but so does dishonesty in something as hardcore as emotions. You cant make a dishonest relation work. However competent you are. Walk away! Easier said than done..but please walk away and search better skies(if not better ..maybe emptier skies). Dont ever try to 'make it work'. If you are trying to make it work it is an effort..and efforts are taken for building buildings or roads..not building relationships. Happy relationships are effortless.You cant keep a fundamentally repulsive building from falling apart using cello tapes...You will run out of tapes soon and it will still fall apart. Yes you can use good cement to put it back..but then if you had good cement why didnt you put it initially ??Most likely ..you built it like a cement building only later to find out that instead of cement the mason used clay..and NOW how intelligent of you to use cello tapes ;)
Its quite possible that there is honesty on both sides and its just that priorities are different. Whatever it is ..if you both are mature persons..Don't ever realign them. Just walk away(Preferably with head held high. That way both of you are sad for a moment but you have opened up possibilities for future to be happy. And walking away mentally is the first step towards the same. Perhaps thats the easiest part which eventually is the beginning of the end. And everything ends ..like life.
It doesnt matter who cries for u after you are dead..or if they build monuments for u. U are fucking dead ..how does it matter? Invest more time into thinking how to avoid dying before death. Invest more time into yourself and stop feeling sorry or sad for others. They have been going on till now without you and most likely they will.You cant be that important.
And don't play games. Its stupid. In the end its a zero sum sports ..even if you win(if you dont believe me..ask those guys who have won ;)) . What you win is a 'prize' ..a 'deal' ..And deals are not relationships. Deals are bargains. And if you consider ..bargains are like momentary gratifiers. Their joy doesn't last long..and perhaps till the time you are boasting about it to your peers. But you really cant boast to the man in the mirror. Try doing it. You have to be a real delusional asshole to fool that man ..or u are a Delhite(ouch)!!
You lose value to gain in price. And then live with that low value. Dont disrespect yourself so much. Live with self dignity and death will be a fulfilling one. But I guess..one has to ..in the end ..think his/her own philosophy. And I have realised that some people inherently want shit in their lives and subconsciously are happy with the negativity.
Its no use selling emotional honesty to assholes...Assholes are best left alone. And thats the brazen truth. Its like selling High quality Caviar to a villager from Mainpuri..(most likely not only his food tastes differ ...it will be his definition itself of quality and 'high' will be different) . So dont waste your time....
You really cant explain the benefit of an honest attempt to persons whose entire life is spent 'bargaining' for deals..
The best u can do is politely detach and continue with your pursuit of 'hapyness' and let him/her do their own things. There is no right or wrong...he/she is as much sincerely pursuing 'hapyness' as you are ..and who knows ..
Perhaps he/she/ it is right...
But just let it be...!..Its ok!! Be happy :)